Philippine Marriage, Filipina Marriage, Marry a Filipina
Philippine Marriage, Filipina Marriage, Marry a Filipina,why would a western man consider marriage to a woman outside his country. Many men that marry a Filipina are in their 40's and in many cases their 50's and 60's. The man has been divorced and is for various reasons avoiding a relationship with a western woman. He may feel that a relationship with an Asian woman is the easier way to go. He may also feel that no western woman would be interested in him because he has little financial power for the western world. He may also feel he is too old and no longer attractive to western women. Whatever the reasons, western men seem to be drawn to Asian women and specifically, Filipina women. Perhaps the man saw an Asian dating site on the internet or a friend told him that Filipinas are some of the best women in the world. My Filipina wife Judith and I have been married for nearly four years. I will say that I am extremely fortunate, lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful woman in my life. I’m still dumbstruck to find this wonderful woman next to me when I wake each morning. There is no doubt in my mind that Judith is the best thing that has happened in my life. Getting to this point took time, patience and understanding on my part. Judith already had the qualities to make a marriage work. I needed to learn a few things. Although, I don’t like the term or label interracial marriage, it is my marriage. I prefer it be called the marriage of two people from two different cultures. Is an interracial marriage to a Filipina the right choice for you? A marriage of two cultures can be extremely difficult or as it is for me, paradise. The first consideration to look at is why do you want a Filipina wife? Maybe you heard what great wives Filipinas make. Filipinas will stick with you through the good and bad. There is almost no divorce in the Philippines. With few exceptions, a Filipina marries for life and they dedicate their life to the husband and the children. They are family oriented and all Filipinas want children. This is a big consideration when marrying. Many men that marry a Filipina are 50 years old and older. They already have adult children from their previous marriage. In many cases the Filipina may even be younger than the man’s children. My wife is two years younger than my son. Do you want to start another family as you approach retirement? Age difference, certainly not all, but most marriages between western men and Filipinas have a significant age difference. I am 27 years older than my wife. Many of my friends that are married to a Filipina have about the same and even greater age difference. Some are nearly 40 years older than their wife. The Filipina considers an older man to be a better husband and the age difference means very little. She is right, the older guys are usually more stable financially and tend to be more responsible and not likely to stray toward another woman as a younger man may However, in the western world she may be labeled as a gold digger and you as a cradle robber. My wife and I are currently in S. Korea and just yesterday at a clothing store the cashier asked our ages. She then gave the look as to say, wow, you must really have something going for you old man. One of my co-workers thought my wife was my daughter. In the Philippines I have never encountered any type of backlash or negative remark in regard to our age difference. I think it is generally better accepted in the Philippines. Still some Filipinos may well think different. However, if you and your Filipina wife decide to live in your home country you may be subject to some nasty social remarks and most of them directed toward your wife.
My Beautiful Wife Judith Cultural differences can also be difficult. Filipinas are very family oriented and they will always be very dedicated to their Filipino family. Taking your Filipina wife to the western world creates many problems and for the wife a sense of almost unbearable loneliness. Although, in time the Filipina will adjust to her new life. Still you need to consider her need to phone the family and to go home to the Philippines to see her family from time to time. Also, she will feel obligated to help the family financially and you need to respect this issue. Your wife will want to get a job so she can send money home or you need to send money to her family. How much money depends on many things, but it may just be one or two hundred US dollars a month. In some cases more, but that’s when you and your wife need to discuss what is appropriate and what is excessive. At times your wife’s brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and even in-laws may press her to send money. As a foreigner you are rich to the Filipino family and that means your wife is rich and is expected to help all the family. The Filipino family can be very persuasive and demanding in asking your wife for money. At times you may feel she is manipulating you for money for the family. Just remember, she is obligated to help and some families will use that against her to get money. Again, you and your wife need to talk about what is appropriate and what family members to help. Generally, it will just be the parents. One of my wife’s sisters is married to an American and he has been very generous to many of the family members. He built a new house for the parents, bought a truck for another sister and her husband, a motorcycle for each of the two brothers and a truck for another family member.He has also financed more than a couple of failed business ventures for family members. They continue to send money to at least the parents almost monthly. I don’t know how much money they send to the parents each month, but my guess is at least one to two hundred US dollars. Despite his generosity many family members other than the parents continue to ask him for more money. I have not been as generous and don’t plan to follow what my American counterpart has done. One reason I have not been so generous is I simply can’t afford to help all the family. I have made only meager contributions to some of my wife’s immediate family. My obligation is to my wife and I and to a lesser degree her parents. My wife understands this and has communicated it to the family. Because of this my wife is rarely pressed to help the family with money. Life experiences and your marriage is another issue. Westerners tend to be a bit more worldly and more aware of what is going on around the world. Many Filipinas have a limited view of the world and have only experienced the area where they were raised. Many Filipinas from the rural provinces have never been to a major city such as, Cebu or Manila. Almost none of the girls from the provinces have been out of the Philippines. The world to many young Filipinas is their Barangay and their family. The view of the world may only be what they have seen on Filipino television. Take the young Filipina out of her environment and she can become lost and overwhelmed very easily. Finding common ground between you and your Filipina wife can be difficult. Conversations of worldly matters or about your country and well known people of your country between you and your wife will not happen until she has lived and adjusted to western life. Life in the western world will take time for your wife to adjust to. You will have to help her in many areas. You may have to help her master her English skills, driving a car, using an oven, using electrical appliances, cooking western foods, shopping, using a washing machine and clothes dryer, talking to your friends and family and basically helping her adjust to everyday life in your country. She will feel very much the outsider with your family and friends and you have to help her to engage in conversation with them. Let her know she is part of your family and needs to be comfortable with your family. She will adjust and make you very proud, but it takes time, understanding and patience. Try to find a Filipino community group in your area. Find an Asian food store, buy a rice cooker and take your wife out to dinner at Asian restaurants. In time your home will be a delightful mix of western and Filipino cultures. Remember too, with few exceptions your new Filipina wife is very innocent and shy at times she may act almost child like and maybe appear immature. She has never had a boy friend let alone a husband. She may be too trusting of others and you need to guide her on these issues. She is not immature, but she is ignorant to many of the western conveniences and lifestyle. You have to be the teacher. She will only remain ignorant of your country if you fail to help her adjust. Most importantly love your wife and let her know you love her. My wife takes great pride in how I look before I walk out the front door. To her if I look dirty, unshaven, wear dirty or old clothes it reflects on her and says she is a bad wife to let me out the door looking poorly. When we are in Camotes I like wearing old clothes and go without shaving for a couple of days. I figure I’m not out to impress anyone and I like being a little scruffy. This is fine for my wife provided I don’t leave the front porch. Should visitors come to the house my wife will push me into the bathroom before opening the front door. My wife will tell me if I need to buy new clothes even if I don’t think I need new. She will always be sure to make me look my best and takes great pride that she has made me into a well groomed and dressed man to show off to her friends. However, she will never buy things for herself unless I take to the store and go from rack to rack and tell her to buy it. My point is, my wife loves me very much and is always at my side in good and bad times. Her smile never fades and her eyes have never stopped shining when she looks at me. I truly am the luckiest guy in the world to have someone like Judith in my life. If I can be just half as good as she is to me then I have done more than great.
I Love That Smile Finally, before you even consider marriage to a Filipina think about some of the points I have raised. You need to be patient, understanding and most of all you really need to love your wife. You also need to know what is needed for your wife’s visa to bring her to your country (you can find that information in my useful links page). The other option is to live in the Philippines and this is indeed easier for your wife and the only adjustment needed is you to the Philippines and your new marriage.
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